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The Best DIY Hair Mask Was Invented By Witches
Please don't ask me why I spent an hour googling "Wiccan beauty spells." Instead, focus on the story at hand: I found a Wiccan beauty spell! And it's really good. And if you're willing to look past my odd web browsing habits, I am willing to share it with you.
The spell is called "Lucious Locks" and can be read in full on SpellsofMagic.com. (Tagline: "Where the world learns black magic, white magic, pagan, wiccan and occult arts." Spooky!) Despite the accompanying incantation, it's really just a DIY hair mask. Think about all of the famous witches of our time: Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus; Rose McGowan in Charmed; Illuminati Beyoncé. What do they have in common, other than arcane sisterhood? Tremendous hair. If you thought that your Bumble Dryspun spray was sorcery, please allow me to blow your mind.
The spell/mask calls for four ingredients:
- 1 cup olive oil
- 1 egg
- 2 tsp lavender water (or: 1 tsp water mixed with 1 tsp lavender essential oil)
- 1 lemon
The best thing about this list is that you probably already have these things at home, so you can spare yourself the awkward Whole Foods checkout banter. ("Oh, these? They're for this new fad diet I'm doing. Ha ha, just kidding! They're for a spell.") Olive oil is a known deep hair conditioner, and lemon juice is a natural hair lightener. (Fun fact: possible witch Phoebe Tonkin mixes lemon and EVOO together for her own DIY hair mask.) Lavender oil is fabled to bolster hair growth, which, ehh, but it's soothing for your scalp and make your mixture smell more like a Dr. Hauschka product than some gross blend of pantry items.
But my intention is not to bore you with natural explantations for this hair mask—it truly is magic. After combining the aforementioned ingredients, you're directed to mix in the egg (chock full of hair-friendly fatty acids and proteins) while chanting the following:
This hair of mine is poor, not fine.
I make it glow with beauty divine,
this hair of mine will dance and shine.
Look at you—you've just cast your first spell! Now it's safe to apply the enchanted goo, just enough to shellac your hair from root to tip. Spellsofmagic.com wants you to leave the mask on for 30 minutes, a small eternity. Perhaps they're assuming that you're immortal, with literally endless time to devote to hair masks? But 10-15 minutes will suit you just fine. Then, feel free to rinse it out and leave a slight residue for sleeping, or clarifying shampoo it down the drain. If you have some left over, you can share with the rest of your coven.
This has been your friendly beauty editor's guide to the dark arts. Please enjoy responsibly.
Photographed by the author.
In case you prefer your hair masks store-bought (and devoid of paganism), we've got you covered.
In case you prefer your hair masks store-bought (and devoid of paganism), we've got you covered.
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Reviews for "The Witchcraft Spells and the Donf Donf Thr 2ucked Witches"
1. Sarah - 1 star
I found "Donf donf thr 2ucked witches dead" to be a complete waste of time. The plot was poorly developed and the characters were extremely one-dimensional. The dialogue felt forced and unnatural. Additionally, the pacing of the story was all over the place, making it hard to stay engaged. I was highly disappointed with this film and would not recommend it to anyone.
2. John - 2 stars
While "Donf donf thr 2ucked witches dead" had a promising concept, the execution fell flat for me. The special effects were mediocre at best, and the acting was subpar. The story lacked proper development and failed to create any tension or excitement. I felt disconnected from the characters and couldn't invest myself in their journey. Overall, I was left feeling unsatisfied with this film.
3. Emily - 1 star
"Donf donf thr 2ucked witches dead" was an absolute disaster! The plot made no sense and there were gaping plot holes throughout. The acting was cringe-worthy, and I couldn't take any of the characters seriously. The film relied heavily on cheap jump scares that were more laughable than frightening. I regret wasting my time on this film and would not recommend it to anyone who values a well-constructed story.
4. Mark - 2 stars
I had high hopes for "Donf donf thr 2ucked witches dead," but unfortunately, it didn't live up to its potential. The film lacked a cohesive narrative and left many questions unanswered. The pacing was off, with moments of intense action followed by long periods of boredom. While the visuals were decent, they couldn't compensate for the lackluster storytelling. Overall, the film left me feeling underwhelmed and dissatisfied.
5. Jessica - 1 star
I can't express how disappointed I was in "Donf donf thr 2ucked witches dead." The acting was abysmal, and the dialogue was cringeworthy. The story was confusing and lacked any sort of depth or originality. The filmmakers seemed more focused on shock value than creating a compelling narrative. I have no desire to ever watch this film again, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.