Professor Zardonicus is known for his proficiency in the dark arts, specifically black magic. His skill level far surpasses that of any other magician or sorcerer in the realm. With his commanding presence and ominous aura, he has instilled fear and fascination in those who have witnessed his abilities firsthand. However, the true extent of his powers remains shrouded in mystery. Rumors about Professor Zardonicus have circulated for years, with tales of his ability to manipulate the elements, control minds, and even summon supernatural entities. Some claim to have seen him cast spells that defy the laws of nature, causing objects to levitate or burst into flames with a mere wave of his hand.

10K Wild Magic

The best way to screw with your casters since Counterspell!

Available Now on iOS and Android!

Simple and Spicy Encounters

No more looking up an outcome in a long PDF or having to set up an Excel sheet to use The Net Libram of Random Magical Effects, now all you have do is push a button! The outcome comes from a roll from Random.org, so you know you have the best randomness nerds have to offer! That outcome refers to the Magic Table and the app displays the outcome to you! It even makes a little jingle to let you know it’s doing something. (You can turn it off if you find it annoying, 10K Wild Magic gives you the power to choose!)

No Math Required

The Auto-Roll feature parses the outcome in the table to determine what dice need to be rolled, then rolls them for you! The result of the dice roll is then shoved into the outcome so it can be read out as a normal English sentence! Don’t worry, the app will show you what was rolled to get that result. The only one trying to hide stuff here is you, you sneaky DM.

But if you want to roll the magic math rocks anyway, you have the power! Just turn Auto-Roll off and the outcome will contain the original number of and type of dice you need to roll.

Connectivity Invulnerability

With or without an internet connection, 10K Wild Magic will keep on rollin’!

When offline, the app will default to the iOS RNG, making sure that the action doesn’t stop even if your internet does. I know this isn’t a crazy feature, but it would be really annoying if it didn’t work without the internet. I mean come on, it rolls dice, I’m pretty sure you don’t need a 128GB RAM, 3090 RTX, i9 hooked up to Gigabit Ethernet to do it. I mean we usually just throw rocks and call it a day. I just got tired reading the PDF and figured I could make an app do this for me. It took me a day, and it was really fun. I like pressing the button just to see what weird thing I get, it’s oddly satisfying….What was I talking about again?

Net libram of magical effects

Reroll random effect on a different random effect table of the Game Master's choice.

Have the player choose an ability score. Nothing happens.

The current map is replaced by another available map at random.

The current map is replaced by the target's character sheet or statblock. If this proves to be inconvenient, display the character sheet or statblock nearby in a visible location if possible. If stats do not exist for the target, create them specifically so they can be used as the map.

Instead of rolling damage, the caster's attacks always deal 5 damage for 1d4 encounters.

The caster loses a body part of choice, then has all their missing body parts replaced with a random metal. Replaced parts work as intended, and thier defenses change accordingly.

The caster's favorite NPC appears adjacent to the target.

The caster's least favorite NPC appears adjacent to the target.

The caster chooses another character they can name. The caster and the named character swap locations as well as character control for 1d3 campaign sessions.

The caster and target are restored to perfect health.

The caster and target are restored to imperfect health.

The caster and target have no maximum health for 1d4 days.

For the next 1d3 campaign sessions, all advantage turns into disadvantage and vice-versa.

For the next 2d6 campaign sessions, caster becomes an animated skeleton that cannot speak.

Choose a random class. Everyone within 60 feet of the target permanently gains a new level in that class. This does not count against the intended leveling curve.

A barrel of 300 Wands of Magic Missile appears in the nearest Bag of Holding or Handy Haversack . Each wand also casts a set d20000 random effect from The Net Libram of Random Magical Effects v2 and v3 when used. The owner of the bag is immediately aware of this new acquisition, but not that the wands have random secondary effects.

The caster now permanently shares a health pool with the last person they got into an argument with. Both parties become aware of this immediately.

The target now reflects all magical effects directed at them for 24 hours, as if they were the ones who cast it.

The date changes to the caster's last birthday but no time travel actually occurs. The current plane simply reverts to that time of year for 1d4 weeks and everyone gets really confused before it returns to the day it was.

All combatants lose 4 years of age for 4 years, after which the effect ends and they return to their original age.

The nearest magical orb is now a magical cube. It has the original effects, but can now be rolled as a 1d6 to determine the level of intensity.

Roll two random mutations on a Warhammer 40k mutation table the Game Master chooses. The caster chooses one of the results to take, effective immediately.

The caster is teleported to their current place of residence and is teleported back after 1d4 weeks.

The caster gains a duplicate of all ongoing effects currently on any creatures within 60 feet of the caster. Any duplicate effects have their effect stack if possible.

All ongoing effects on the caster are applied to all creatures within 60 feet of the target, with the exclusion of the target.

Any ongoing effects on the caster triple in intensity and duration.

Any ongoing effects on the target triple in intensity and duration.

The caster is immune to all mind-altering effects permanently, including their own.

The next time the caster dies, they are revived a week prior in the same location, and must ensure their original death to avoid being erased by a paradox.

The caster is permanently immune to a random damage type, but vulnerable to a different random damage type.

The caster permanently trades class levels and abilities with the nearest spellcaster.

The caster gains a class level in a random class from a different Tabletop RPG system of the Game Master's choice.

The nearest spellcaster trades class levels and abilities with the nearest psion.

The caster's class changes to Commoner, and they must undergo an atonement ritual to regain their original class or classes.

The caster and the target are now lovers. If they are already lovers, all characters the caster knows are now aware of it.

The caster and target lose all memories of each other, making whatever situation they find themselves in rather awkward to say the least.

The caster and target are now a single individual of combined features and abilities for 1d4 hours. They each retain the memories of the other after separation.

The caster has an intense craving for garlic until garlic is consumed.

Caster gains all languages spoken by the target, but loses their own language proficiencies.

The caster no longer speaks common.

Combat is transported to a futuristic spaceship.

Combat is transported to medieval times.

Combat is transported to the nearest moon.

The next time combat ends, the caster is transported to a random country on a different continent, as well as anyone with whom they are in physical contact. Caster is aware of this effect when it is rolled.

1d4 days in the future, the caster completely forgets the target ever existed.

1d4 days in the future, the caster changes into a different race in the same category as theirs.

1d4 days in the future, the caster changes gender when they wake up.

1d4 days in the future, the caster is hit by a truck and dies. The caster then awakens in a different world with a random powerful ability and begins a new adventure.

The caster becomes able to teleport to this location at will. They do not gain the ability to teleport back to their original position.

Through a twist of fate, the target is actually the parent of the caster; The Game Master determines specifics.

The caster gains the passive, permanently-active ability to phase through gold and silver, unless they are vulnerable to it.

The caster gains the passive, permanently-active ability to phase through wood and brick, unless they are vulnerable to it.

The caster gains the passive, permanently-active ability to phase through textile and leather, unless they are vulnerable to it.

The caster gains the passive, permanently-active ability to rationalize the actions of themselves and others.

Total the damage dealt by the target on their next turn; the effect with that number on this chart takes effect, with the original caster as the new target.

Total the damage dealt by the caster on their next turn; the effect with that number on this chart takes effect, with two unrelated random creatures nearby as the new caster and target.

The caster's allies within 300 feet permanently gain advantage on all insight and intimidation checks made against the caster.

Every time sonic damage is dealt in the campaign from now on, a small blue hedgehog appears near the area of combat.

Every time someone uses an ability that enhances the ability to jump in the campaign from now on, they also have an illusory Italian moustache while the effect is active.

Time stops for everything except the caster and the target for 10 rounds. Any characters capable of moving in frozen time are not subjected to this effect. Objects and characters frozen in time act as solid, invincible walls that cannot be damaged or interacted with.

The caster and target are frozen in time for 10 rounds, and cannot be subject to outside force, damaged, or otherwise interacted with until the effect expires. Neither of them is aware of the passage of time for the duration.

The caster is now able to teleport to and from the target's home at will, even if it is in another plane or dimension. The target is aware of when this ability is used.

From now on, whenever the target and the caster make physical contact, they swap bodies with each other for 3d8 hours. If one is killed, the other must live out their remaining days in their new form.

The caster gains a random item from Mario Kart 64, and they must use it before using any other equipment.

Everyone in the area is uncomfortable but nobody has any idea why. Everyone stops for a full round as they look at another, confused. Everyone then slowly returns to what they were doing with a lingering feeling of uncertainty.

The caster and target switch equipped weapons.

The caster and target switch equipped armor.

The caster and target switch equipped underclothes.

Everyone involved in the current scenario stops to say 'nice' before continuing with their next actions.

For 1d4 months, the hit point value of all creatures within 10 feet of the caster are visible as a green bar above the creature's head.

An advisor appears to support the caster in making decisions. The advisor takes a form of the Game Master's choice.

For an hour, anyone who looks at the target is intuitively aware of the identities of all creatures they have killed and when.

Before the game continues, the Game Master must sincerely apologize to the players for failing to avoid a scenario which has resulted in a roll on this chart, unless he orchestrated it intentionally, in which case the Game Master must assure the players that they will try to rectify any particularly damning circumstances it has inflicted upon their beloved characters.

Before the game continues, the players must assure the Game Master that they do not mind the ridiculous, nonsensical session design that has led to a roll on this chart, or if they do, must fall completely silent for a full minute while the Game Master reflects on how they have failed as a storyteller.

The caster can now see magic while blindfolded.

The caster can now see magic while not blindfolded.

The current map is suddenly covered with piles of casino chips and arcade tokens.

The caster turns into a human. If they are already human, they become undead.

The caster turns into a catgirl. If they were already a catgirl, they become a cat.

The caster turns into a fey creature of their choice. If they choose something stupid, do not blame this table.

The caster turns to stone. They can still move and act as normal.

The caster becomes a slime of their choice that can take on a humanoid shape at will.

The caster becomes what they wanted to be when they were a child. If they already are, everyone within 60 feet of the caster congratulates them for following their dreams.

The caster forgets everyone they know.

The caster is forgotten by everyone they know.

The target assumes the caster's place in the memories of everyone the caster knows.

The target is now healed by damage dealt by the caster.

In 1d4 days, the caster and their allies are transported 30 years into the past and must find a way to return to their original time.

The caster is now vulnerable to a weakness of the target's choice.

The target is now vulnerable to a weakness of caster's choice.

The target is now vulnerable to the last type of damage the caster received.

The target is now vulnerable to insults.

The target can no longer be killed by physical means.

The target can no longer be killed by magical means.

The target can no longer be killed by emotional means.

The caster is treated as one to three size categories smaller when angry, depending on how angry they are.

The caster can give Maximum HP from their own maximum HP to any other creatures within 100 feet at their discretion. They now gain temporary hit points equal to the total amount donated in this way after every long rest.

Everyone within 60 feet of the caster has a duplicate of themselves appear in a space adjacent to them. All items, abilities, and ongoing effects are duplicated; players gain control over both instances of their own characters.

The caster is no longer in a romantic relationship. If the caster was not in a romantic relationship to begin with, a smug satisfaction washes over them.

The caster openly rolls three times on this chart and gets to pick between the results.

1890: Caster's big toes become opposable like thumbs
February 4, 2022 2:44 AM Subscribe

𝕱or 𝕯oubles 𝕵ubilee, let us all revisit the Net Libram of Random Magical Effects (PDF), still a D10000 table a DM can roll on for incredibly random wild magic surge effects, now available as a site where you can roll on it by just pressing a button. (Previously, in 2019)

As stated before, "𝕴n the game of Dungeons & Dragons, there is a type of spellcaster called the Wild Magic Sorcerer, who, when they use magic, might cause what is called a wild magic surge. Or, an ordinary sort of magic-user might roll a natural 1 when casting, and the DM might decide that's worth a wild magic surge for what some observers report as being 'fun.' And then there is the Wand of Wonder, a magic item whose entire purpose is producing wild magic surges. Good luck!"

Some (more) example results:
0046: Ants seems to course from the caster's eyes.
0534: Caster can teleport 10 times at will but loses a finger each time.
2143: Caster’s knees can bend forward and backward with equal ease.
4780: One of target’s arms is stripped to the bone but works normally.
4856: People often mistake the target for someone who gives a damn.
5062: Target asserts that he’ll die unless he destroys his magic items.
6426: Caster must save or d100 of his bones explode.
6612: Target runs 3 miles at top speed in a random direction.
6642: Target speaks only in an archaic dialect of his native language.
6897: Target’s allies can't look directly at him for 1d4 days.
7927: When target is next struck by magic, he teleports 1d6 miles.
9491: Next weapon nearby to draw blood makes its wielder smell horrible.

The last time this went up, Orrex, the creator of the table decades ago, appeared in the thread! Hey Orrex, in case you find this, thanks again for being really cool.

The last time this went up, Orrex, the creator of the table decades ago, appeared in the thread!

What number gives that effect, I wonder?
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:03 AM on February 4, 2022 [7 favorites]

Be careful of what you roll for. You might get what you wish. Eris is a . Hail Eris!
posted by zengargoyle at 4:22 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Random Number Table. If you want to go hardcore back into the days of picking random numbers this large from paper and not computers.
posted by zengargoyle at 4:36 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

5413 Target can't be injured by wooden weapons while standing in snow

Not much of a D&D player, but I do enjoy random Nethack-style chaos in games and oddly specific magical impairments are my jam.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:54 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

One I looked at earlier said “a slab, 1 x 4 x 9 appears,” but neglects to give units. Light years could be awkward….
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:33 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

One I looked at earlier said “a slab, 1 x 4 x 9 appears,” but neglects to give units. Light years could be awkward….

Depends on how close it appears.

"If target is wearing shoes, his feet become chicken’s feet. This lasts until they have attained fluency in one additional language."

The randomizer is listening to us.
posted by curious nu at 5:37 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

One I looked at earlier said “a slab, 1 x 4 x 9 appears,” but neglects to give units. Light years could be awkward….

Among the various 2001:A Space Odyssey continuity books and movies, 1 x 4 x 9 black slabs are encountered in sizes from a meter-ish to 20 kilometer-ish along their longest edge, with the strong implication that larger and smaller monoliths exist, with "light years" not being out of the question. Although presumably, if they were anywhere within our galaxy, we would have noticed.

So, I'd probably go with three or four meters along the long axis if it happened outside, a meter or so inside, a few kilometers if we were in space.
posted by Xiphias Gladius at 6:24 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

One I looked at earlier said “a slab, 1 x 4 x 9 appears,” but neglects to give units.

“That board with a nail in it may have defeated us, but the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails. Soon they'll make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all!”
posted by oulipian at 6:39 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Target obsessively pursues the one-armed man who killed his wife.

New campaign idea! Thanks, Libram!
posted by SPrintF at 7:09 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Although presumably, if they were anywhere within our galaxy, we would have noticed.

Doubtful. The text of 2001 was clear that the monolith was very, very black. An interstellar-scale one would only be noticeable if it occluded something you happened to be looking at.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 7:11 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry, but this strikes me as being from the same sort of "fuck barrel" thinking that gave us the original Deck of Many Things, and which we've been moving away from in terms of game design.

(Short version - the original incarnations of D&D encouraged a certain pettiness in design which wound up meaning that if you rolled poorly or even just made a bad choice, you wound up in the fuck barrel for the amusement of everyone else. The argument was that it was "fair" because supposedly everyone would get a turn in the fuck barrel, but eventually designers realized that no, it's better if nobody winds up in the fuck barrel.)
posted by NoxAeternum at 7:15 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

Most of the time the target of a spell is an enemy, though, right? Seems okay to put NPCs in a barrel for the party's amusement even if the barrel is on fire and rolling down a hill at them.
posted by straight at 8:33 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

So, I'd probably go with three or four meters along the long axis if it happened outside, a meter or so inside, a few kilometers if we were in space.

Clearly, you weren't playing D&D in the 70s/early 80s with your teenaged friends being assholes to each other as DM.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:35 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Most of the time the target of a spell is an enemy, though, right? Seems okay to put NPCs in a barrel for the party's amusement even if the barrel is on fire and rolling down a hill at them.

One, the point of the wild magic system is to make magic unpredictable, which impacts casters. I've seen DM advice to use such systems as a way to "balance" magic which is horrible advice.

Two, a lot of spells target either the caster or are intended to be used on characters the caster cares about (either of the P or NP variety.)
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:46 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Caster is rumored to have participated in the murder of a deity.

I have questions:
1. How would this propagate?
2. Wouldn't it rely on having a recently-murdered deity handy? Or does it kill a deity and frame the caster, like a kind of pantheonic Noir?
3. Mostly, wouldn't this make the caster seem impressive?
4. It would be much worse if it is "Caster is rumored to have participated in the murder of the most popular person with 100 miles to have died in mysterious circumstances in the last 5 years."
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:05 AM on February 4, 2022

what if i want to get in the fuck barrel
posted by glonous keming at 10:18 AM on February 4, 2022 [6 favorites]

Caster vows to commit deicide before the end of the year.

God isn't dead. yet.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:57 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Re: fuck barrel, you're not wrong, but it's often not the right way to think of it?

If you emphasize with your character so closely that you hope greatly for their success and lament their failures, if you look at them as a special person, if you think of them as kind of like your child, then this probably won't be for you. Note: not all of these things have to be true, and there is nothing wrong with playing that way.

But there is often a point, and it could come early or later in a player's roleplay career, where you just want to play a fun character. Sometimes they make bad decisions. Sometimes you as a player know they make bad decisions, but you make them anyway. Sometimes this means your character dies. Sometimes you expect the character to die. For characters like that, the fuck barrel can be a lot of fun.

And then, there are the characters who are borderline. You don't think of them as D&D World You, and you don't think of them entirely as Dumb Person Who's Gonna DIE. For characters like that, the random list could present very interesting roleplay opportunities. Sometimes you can even take advantage of "curses" obtained that way.

The last time I posted this, I mentioned that, for the more lethal items, it might be a good idea to at least give the player a saving throw. Or, as the DM and the one who usually rolls on such a table, if such an entry hits a player, it might be a good idea to fudge it to sometime else. Sometimes as a DM you have to be able to read the room, to know what kind of game it is. Sometimes you have to let the chips fall where they may.

People play RPGs for lots of different reasons. If it's a hard-scrabble game where characters are all desperate and the odds are always stacked against them, a list like this is overkill. If you're playing Paranoia, there's probably a gun that can dispense 1d3 rolls on this table per round, and it'll usually be fired at the other players.
posted by JHarris at 10:59 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

In the IRC channel I still frequent, someone has long had a script that relates a scenario like these when someone types '!surge'.

. The number didn't match. The text also didn't appear in this document.

Is there *another* of these?!
posted by rubah at 11:14 AM on February 4, 2022

If you're playing Paranoia, there's probably a gun that can dispense 1d3 rolls on this table per round, and it'll usually be fired at the other players.

The thing is that's not what I mean by "fuck barrel" dynamics - Paranoia lays it out openly that everyone is out to get everyone else - including the game master. Fuck barrel mechanics are designed to randomly fuck over players for making reasonable decisions. The Deck of Many Things is a prime example of of this - it has more negative cards than positive cards, negative cards usually have little to no recourse, while positive cards often have their benefit hidden behind a negative effect (for example, one card grants a level - provided you win the next encounter in single combat.) Another example is the sphere of annilation in the Tomb of Horrors, hidden behind a carving of a head with its mouth open, with no warning.

This is a vast difference from creating a character built around fucking around, and ultimately finding out when the GM gets tired. Fuck barrel mechanics were designed to intentionally fuck players for just playing, and it's a good thing they're dying out.
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:38 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

(Side note: Regarding Paranoia. I'm sort of responsible for introducing lawyers to Alpha Complex.

I am so very sorry.)
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:40 AM on February 4, 2022

At the risk of extending an un-fun derail. My point is you don't have to use it as a fuck barrel. Its intended use, I'd say, is not as a fuck barrel. It's fun! It brings unexpected twists to the game! It gets players thinking about unusual things and their implications!

Our group has greatly enjoyed using this chart, used in moderation. You don't use it every time someone rolls a natural 1 on something magical; a 5% chance per magic use is way too common. You don't outright kill PCs with the chart unless it's that kind of game or that kind of character. There are lots of minor effects on the list that don't kill characters.

It can be fun as, as you call it, a fuck barrel, if it's that kind of game. That's why I brought up Paranoia. (Paranoia XP had its own mechanism for this kind of thing, in the form of player tics.) You can ruin a game with unthinking application of a chart like this. So don't do that.
posted by JHarris at 12:18 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I like the idea and think that it can be fun if used very selectively, but I don't like the list much because half or more of the effects aren't immediately perceptible. So either the DM announces a spoiler for something that will actually happen later (like "Next meal prepared by caster harms the sanity of any who eat it,") or it takes all the drama out of casting a Wild Magic spell in spite of the risk that something crazy or disastrous might happen and instead a Wild Magician is just someone that has random weird things happen around them all the time and they think, "Oh, that must be another side-effect of one of the twenty spells I cast this week."
posted by straight at 12:52 PM on February 4, 2022

Another example is the sphere of annilation in the Tomb of Horrors, hidden behind a carving of a head with its mouth open, with no warning.

This is were a Rod of Cancellation becomes fun.
posted by clavdivs at 1:33 PM on February 4, 2022

"fuck barrel" has aged about as well as this list has.
posted by tigrrrlily at 7:04 AM on February 5, 2022

Another example is the sphere of annilation in the Tomb of Horrors, hidden behind a carving of a head with its mouth open, with no warning.

Right? What use is a nine foot pole?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:41 PM on February 7, 2022

It can be fun as, as you call it, a fuck barrel, if it's that kind of game.

This is where I think you're missing the point. A character designed around fucking around and subsequently finding out as the GM drops the hammer is by definition not in the fuck barrel, because the player is fully aware of this. The same goes for games like Paranoia, because it's made clear up front that the players and the GM are at cross purposes with one another.

No, the "fuck barrel" is about a player having their character fucked over, often to the point of unrecoverability, for taking an action that was reasonable, and without the player's consent. These sort of charts are often built in that spirit, creating a bunch of effects that can alter how a character is played drastically with no real chance to stop it. DMTuber Zee Bashew had a demonstration of one of the more infamous sorts of tables (the grievous injuries table) in his recent collection of clips - as well as what that sort of play does to a group these days, with Week 2 showing the GM all by himself.

You then point out that these systems can be "fixed", which is true - but also has problems. One, fixing these systems takes work - you have to look over the results and make sure that they are fair and not disproportionate, perhaps balancing a result or just getting another result if the first is too much. Which comes to the second point - why not just build and use systems that aren't designed to upend characters from the start? Your defense also illustrates another reason fuck barrel design went out of favor - the design would pressure people into accepting abusive play out of a sense of "that's how the game is", which in the long run drives people out of the hobby.

Fuck barrel design is toxic by its nature, and it died out because of that.
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:34 AM on February 8, 2022

Our group had a lot of fun with this table. It didn't get rolled on more than a few times in all. It gave us a lot of memorable and fun moments. I don't think it's a "fuck barrel" (a term I dislike) in it's proper use.

I think it has a place if the players agree it has one, and mine were enthusiastic about it, as a way to produce situations that would never come up in play otherwise. They are not always so enthusiastic about my ideas, so I'm pretty sure they weren't faking. That reaction proves there is a place in the world for this chart. That, of course, doesn't prove it has a place at your table.

I brought this back to the front page in the hopes that people would see the fun in it, and be responsible enough to use it appropriately. On reflection, it's possible the duration feature in the random roller is possibly partly to blame for reactions, since it often implies that events that would probably assumed to be of short duration are basically permanent? Or maybe my choice of examples were lacking--most of the effects are not that terrible.
posted by JHarris at 5:20 PM on February 8, 2022

Damn. This post is longer than my list.
TLDR: Thanks to everyone for the feedback, and I'm gratified that some still find my lists useful/amusing, even if others find them less so.

Lots to address here.

First, thanks to JHarris for being kind enough to remember me with a shout-out. Much appreciated!
Second, thanks also to everyone who has chimed in, because nearly all feedback is helpful, even when one's opinion of the list is less than glowing!
Third, I added the "duration feature" in an attempt to balance some of the more destructive Surges, in the interest of not torpedoing anyone's campaign world.

Now, onto the main course.

When wild magic was introduced, I really saw it as a cautionary tale, a sort of "What are you, crazy? Don't do that!" game addition. It was supposed to be dangerous and disruptive, and that's what appealed to me about it. In particular, I've always been fond of game mechanics that offer increased power for a (potentially significant) price. I accept that the game has evolved since then, but that's how I saw wild magic, and this potential danger remains its primary charm for me.

Since the beginning, most of the criticisms I've received have fallen into one of three categories:
1. The list is too powerful. I submit that this is because people tend to jump to the 0000 result, which is indeed quite potent on both lists, and they form an impression based on that result. I've done a number of tests over the years, sampling 10 or 50 or 100 or 500 results at random, and I found that very few actually result in the destruction of the game world. Most are fleeting, or relatively minor, or reversible, or even beneficial.
2. The list is too silly. A lot of it is, sure. Thanks for noticing!
3. The list will invariably lead to destruction because surges are too common. This criticism strikes me as the most interesting. The easiest way to address it is to reduce the frequency of surges. Don't like a 5% chance? Make it a 1% chance, or a .5% chance. That'll solve the problem right there, but it also reveals the real problem IMO.

Many of the discussions that I've read online reveal that players love surges, and they love causing them. There's nothing at all wrong with that style of play, but it probably means that my lists are a poor fit for that character or campaign world. Smaller lists can readily be found online, many of which offer lower power surges, or school-specific surges, or the like. These might work better in a world where a sorcerer likes to tempt fate 10 or 20 times per hour.

Regarding the fuck barrel, I think JHarris summed it up nicely:

A character designed around fucking around and subsequently finding out as the GM drops the hammer is by definition not in the fuck barrel, because the player is fully aware of this.

To put it in other terms, by way of a deep and ancient cut: "Shana, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say let 'em crash."

So if someone triggers a surge purely through random chance, then it seems to me that a good solution is to reduce that chance, as stated above. But if someone deliberately causes a surge, then I have little sympathy when their intestines teleport three feet to the left.

However, things evolve over time, and so it is with the list. I've been working for quite a long time on a new edition that expands the list to 30,000 results, with 1/3 affecting the caster, the target, or the area. There's also an additional 10,000 that affect a non-living target. Moreover, I'm expanding the "Duration Feature" to 1000 results, so that the GM can easily generate a terminating condition for a surge. Granted, the sorcerer may not immediately know what that condition is, but that's part of the fun. It's also not simply a table of 1000 lengths of time; it's a list of 1000 ways that the victim can undo the surges, which I hope will add roleplaying potential. Heck, this part of the list might be useful in counteracting curses not caused by wild magic, too.

I'm also adding a list of 1000 ways that the victim can delay the onset of the effect, so that they can happily go about their business as long as they don't do the one thing that will unleash the surge. So, for instance, as long as the sorcerer doesn't insult a goblin, she'll be fine. But when she does.

All of that stuff has already been completed, consolidating and adding to the two existing 10K lists. The last part that I've started on recently is a 4K list of very low-level surges, 1000 each for caster, target, inanimate target, and the area. These surges are very unlikely to disrupt a campaign, as most have a very short duration (a few rounds) or very small impact (e.g., a gentle breeze blows through the area). I thought it would be fun to create a cantrip-level list, but I suppose that it would work well for low level sorcerers in general, or for high level sorcerers triggering surges on low level spells. Still working on this part of the overall list.

One criticism that I have never found persuasive is that the list is too random. People seem to want a list of fire-based surges and water-based surges and divination-based surges and so on, and I encourage others to create such lists. It is, after all, a list of random magical effects. It is not a list of carefully curated situation-specific effects. Wild magic is like a box of chocolates, so let the sorcerer beware.

The whole concept IMO has a very "sorcerer's apprentice" vibe, in which even a seasoned practitioner is ultimately meddling with powers beyond their control. Or, to put it another way, "Do not call up what you cannot put down." If a character isn't willing to risk having their house launch into orbit, then maybe they're not ready for wild magic.

But hey, that's just me. I'd guess that about 11 out of 20 people really dislike my lists, and that's fine. I wrote them for the other 9.

Thanks for reading!
--Orrex
posted by Orrex at 7:47 PM on February 27, 2022 [3 favorites]

Thanks for dropping by again, and that sounds interesting, to me anyway! Although I don't think I was the one who said what you quoted, to be strictly accurate.
posted by JHarris at 2:39 PM on February 28, 2022 [1 favorite]

Hey, Orrex. Thanks for the comments. I have a question. When you get a result like "Caster can't sleep indoors when it's raining," or "Target can't be magically detected by anyone of the same sex," does the character instantly become aware that this is the case? Or do you tell the players in a meta way so that they know what happened even though the characters don't?

What I'm wondering is how do you make results like that feel like the consequences of using wild magic rather than just some random thing that happens later in the campaign that players may or may not guess was caused by using wild magic?
posted by straight at 3:05 PM on February 28, 2022 [1 favorite]

Whoops, you're right. That was NoxAeternum. Apologies!
posted by Orrex at 3:06 PM on February 28, 2022

Hi straight!
Of course I haven't game-tested all of the results, but for surges like the one you describe, I've usually had the affected character check intelligence; if they succeed, then they realize (or have a strong intuition) that they're dealing with a past surge. I'd likely repeat this when it occurs, until the character succeeds.

Or, if the affected character continues to fail the roll and it's important for the party to know, I might have the other characters check in the same way.
"Hey Zilberplotz! I'll bet this is because you fouled up that spell last week."
Something like that.

I don't typically tell the character exactly what's up, but I'll let the players know the details once the character has an idea about it. And sometimes I've told the players outright, when it seems like that'll be more fun.
posted by Orrex at 3:14 PM on February 28, 2022 [2 favorites]

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